This morning I did something I haven't done before. I woke up at 3:00am, arrived at the airport at 4:30am, and then... asked my driver to turn around and take me home.
In the past month I've fallen sick twice as a result of frequent travelling (long haul flights + jet lag + sleeping in hotel air conditioning for weeks at a time), and my body is still in recovery. I've known for a while that travelling to Melbourne today would exhaust me beyond breaking point, but I committed to keeping my plans because I felt like I "should." It's cost me hundreds of dollars in hotel and flight cancellation fees, and even more in lost income, but this morning I decided not to operate out of obligation anymore.
I'm at my best when I have the freedom to be in flow. Following structure, "services" lists, or numbers on the bedside clock doesn't resonate with me. Anybody who's met me can vouch that I'm extremely generous with my energy and time; and when I show up, I really show up. I remain optimistic and overly-open, drawing out the best in every person I meet. I can sense what someone's body needs from me, whether it be savageness or softness, and I provide it intuitively. I listen attentively and learn a lot by doing so. And I can only do these things to my fullest potential when I'm rested. Being tired, sick, or "not in the mood" just doesn't work. It's not fair for me to push myself into those situations, and it wouldn't be fair for my clients to receive me at anything less than 100%.
If you're the type of person who demands answers or availability now, now, now, without regard for my personal space or time - we're not an energetic match. If you're the type of person who takes, takes, takes, without considering what it costs me to cater to your insatiability - we're not an energetic match. If you're the type of person who has placed me on a pedestal, forgetting that I have a multi-faceted life that requires elements of privacy and downtime - we're not an energetic match.
From now onwards, I'll only be scheduling tours at times that feel right for me. I hope that my clients can trust me in this new process, with the knowingness that when I am visiting other cities, I'll be energised and excited to be there (which I am 95% of the time, anyway!). When I'm moving, loving, kissing, or creating from a place of alignment, magical things happen - not only for me, but for those around me, too.
And to my wonderful clients who are already endlessly patient, gentle, and value me as a person: I appreciate you so much. Thank you.